


When's It Gonna Be Enough?

by Oblivion_Wanderer



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: (just in case), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Neural Overload, Post-Drift, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 02:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2331086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oblivion_Wanderer/pseuds/Oblivion_Wanderer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Newt collapses after the Drift, post-Opperation Pitfall, Gottlieb is left keeping a silent vigil. But there's more on his mind than just the silence between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When's It Gonna Be Enough?

**Author's Note:**

> Normally I don't write newmann (I mainly brotp them), but I'm taking a stab at it this time.
> 
> This one's spawned from/inspired by [ this post ](http://naensut.tumblr.com/post/87522201814/thought-i-lost-you-not-sure-what-is-happening) and tags that were later added on by Thorsies. On another note, idk much about this medical stuff, hence the tag. Also set to the music of [ Sleepover.fm from Hammock. ](http://sleepover.fm/)

Just as Gottlieb predicted, two Kaiju came through the Breach. They were coming towards Hong Kong, and the Jaegers were being deployed. He was up in LOCCENT watching it all, just as someone lingering with nowhere else to go. He was concerned over the fact that nearly all of them were being deployed. Resources were thin enough as it was and two Cat. IV Kaiju might very well be enough to crush all that they had left.

Also, he worried about Newt, who was out in the city right now, stuck in the middle of this madness. And for what? For a damn brain! He was in no condition to have been sent out for it. God only knew where the tattooed biologist was out in the chaos. Hopefully he was safe.

And so the battle in the harbor- and then into the city- went. It was only after that Gottlieb learned Newt was alive- he knew when the marshal commanded to seek him out.

And he found Newt; battered, shaken, clothes a mess and a lens cracked. He babbled about Otachi and the baby Kaiju that had almost killed him, and started to rig up his tossed together Pons set.

Newt was planning to Drift again, this time with the infant's brain.

No, he couldn't let Newt go alone; he'd surely and effectively kill himself this time if he went alone.

Gottlieb had to go with him. He had to save him.

And so he did.

 

* * *

 

The clock was stopped. It was all over.

The biologist throws an arm around Gottlieb, and he too is smiling; for his own reasons but smiling none the less. Unbelievable- almost like a dream- first minutes of a new era draw on, and slowly Newt pulls away. He's still standing close to Gottlieb, but there is a tremble to his frame. He frowns, placing a hand on Newt's arm. He feels something in his head; a flutter of static, or maybe panic...

“Newton?”

Newt turned and gripped the sleeve of Gottlieb's coat tightly, smiling and looking up into his eyes. He looked pale and his left eye extremely bloodshot. He looked... broken.

“We did it, Herms. It's over.” His voice strained. Blood was starting to drip from his nose again. “We're rockstars...”

Newt's smile faltered and he let go, eyes rolling up into his head as his legs buckled and the biologist fell, despite Gottlieb's attempt to catch him.

That dream-like state is shattered, and silence hushes over the room.

Gottlieb is vaguely aware of what happens around him next. He knows Tendo called medical, he knows he said his friend's name- “Newton?”- as he gently put his hands on Newt- “Newton, say something!”- and tried to wake him.

And when the med-team finally arrives and carts Newt away, Gottlieb just follows silently as fast as he can keep up.

 

* * *

 

His head hurts (as well as the rest of his body, especially his bad leg), his vision is blurred in one eye, and he's exhausted. Medics are trying to persuade him to have tests done to make sure the Drift hadn't affected him seriously, but he's not listening.

Gottlieb was more concerned about Newt.

He didn't want to think about what had happened to Newt, all the possibilities of what could be wrong, what could have caused him to collapse so suddenly. He was fine; he was fine before, smiling and calling them both rockstars. Now Gottlieb was left waiting to hear what had become of the other scientist, that foolish man.

He'd already done himself enough damage with the first Drift, and then he'd been sent right back out to find another brain deep in Black Market territory. That was the last thing Gottlieb wanted, especially after he had found Newt seizing on the floor shortly before. He didn't want to see that again, see Newt lose himself and fall apart. Of course he had planned to Drift again, he'd planned it from the start.

Gottlieb recalled a fight they had shortly before he left. He was saying Newt was in no condition for this outing and had said something along the lines of “It's never enough for you is it? How close do you have to get?!” He had also called the other scientist 'obsessed', which was something Newt never liked to hear. They never got to apologize, the memory of the fight lost in the tide of war, but he had only expressed these concerns because Gottlieb didn't want his colleague to _die_.

He had hoped he could stabilize Newt by going with him into the second Drift, and it had seemed like that, so everything should have been okay. No- the biologist collapsed. Everything was not okay.

Everyone else in the Shatterdome was celebrating the grand victory, but sitting there, waiting to hear of Newt's fate, the silence was almost deafening.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

Sometime later- Gottlieb wasn't sure how much time had passed- a doctor approached, and he looked up. The first thing he asked the man was, “Where is Newton?” followed by, “Is he alright?”

The doctor explained that they had stabilized Newt. The initial thought was that the strain on Newt from the Drift was too much, given that it was his second Drift. There was also to be taken into account he had most likely exhausted himself from the day's ordeal, stressing his body further from Drifting along with any additional injuries. The doctor said Newt was resting now, but Gottlieb got a sense of dread and stood. He felt like there was something else he needed to be told.

“What's happened to him?”

The doctor spoke again, saying something about damage caused by the Drift and having been put on a life support system. He was barely responsive aside from breathing and a pulse. They didn't know when he'd wake up.

Those words were said so casually, just like long ago when some forgotten doctor told the physicist he'd most likely have to walk with a cane for the rest of his life, and Gottlieb took a minute to actually process what had just been said. Newt couldn't be in such terrible condition, he was supposed to be okay. Of course he had to go and do something stupid. Grasp tightening on his cane, he spoke, his voice quieter but demanding.

“I want to see Newton.”

Gottlieb was lead to the room Newt had been put into. The biologist's eyes were closed, and he appeared to be sleeping. But no... His mind, subconscious, might as well be in some kind of Drift induced limbo.

 _'What if he never wakes up?'_ He thought, keeping this distressing thought to himself.

When the doctor left, Gottlieb went inside Newt's room and pulled up a chair to sit next to his bed. More silence followed, aside tuning out the repetitive beeping of a heart monitor.

Gottlieb watched him, as if waiting for some sign that he wasn't so damaged as thought, that he was waking up, but the silence between them was too great. They were used to bickering, fighting, sharing ideas, helping each other when they were at their worst. Gottlieb wasn't used to the silence. Was that what the Drift did to people? No wonder Newt would tend to go stir crazy without something to channel his brimming energy.

The physicist lowered his head, tiredly rubbing his eyes. He was getting a headache.

“You fool...”

 

* * *

 

As he was told before, Newt was barely responsive.

Gottlieb came to see him constantly, and every night he sat by Newt's bedside. He found himself unable to sleep anyway, worrying about his nearly comatose colleague. During the day when he wasn't there, he had the hope that 'maybe today Newt will wake up'. There was also the thought of 'What if something's happened to him? What if something happened and I wasn't there?', which was followed by another thought of the room being empty when he got there, and Newt was ether awake and snuck out and back to his room, or was dead and in the morgue.

But all those thoughts would be vanished when he saw Newt lying still in bed, his heart still beating. At least once a day Gottlieb would say to him, “I wish you'd wake up.”

On one of these days there's a knock on the door and Gottlieb jumps at the sound. He looks over his shoulder to see Mako poking her head in.

“Oh, Miss Mori.”

“May I come in?” She asks.

“Of course.”

He managed to put on a smile for her. Mako was like family to both him and Newt, and he was sure the biologist would've appreciated her dropping by.

She took up a spare char and sat close to Gottlieb. “Still the same?”

“I'm afraid so.” He regretfully answered. “How are you, Miss Mori? I haven't seen you in a couple of days.”

“I am fine. Me and Raleigh heard about what happened while we were getting some standard medical checks done.”

“Good. I'm glad you both are well.”

“Yes... I hope you're okay too.”

“Don't worry about me.” He said, a bit dismissively. “I've had the same tests done already.”

“I worry about both you and Newt.” Mako retorted.

“There's nothing much to do in Newt's case but to wait. On top of his current state he has a few minor injuries, including a few in his hand and a nasty cut on his head, but I'm more concerned about how long he may remain unconscious.” He shook his head a little. “Honestly... I worry that he won't recover. He's done many reckless things in the time I've known him, but this...”

Mako reached out and touched his arm. “He'll be okay. Newt's tough; that is one thing I've learned from being around him.”

The physicist chuckled sadly. “I suppose that's true. He wouldn't just up and quit like this; that'd be unlike him.”

“You're his Drift partner now. I think he's held on this long because he's fighting to see you.”

“Maybe...”

Days passed, which turned into close to two weeks. Those days gave Gottlieb time to think; about things he saw in the Drift, about things he felt about Newt. He thought about memories he'd seen about Newt and how the physicist practically bared himself to the other in that way as well. There were emotions he had felt from Newt in the Drift, and Gottlieb could feel a thin thread in his being that connected to Newt, supposedly from the Drift. It gave him proof that Newt was still alive.

Gottlieb thought about Newt every second he was in that room. He'd talk to him as if he was awake.

There were things he wanted to say to Newt, things he had thought long and hard about.

“Please wake up. You can't leave me...”

 

* * *

 

Close to the two week mark, the doctors began to talk about taking Newt off life support.

“How dare you even think about that?!” He shouted at one of the doctors the first time it was brought up. “You've given up on him, haven't you?! I haven't given up! He's still there, I know it!”

Gottlieb didn't want to hear any of that nonsense, and it made him mad that they were even talking about doing such a thing. They would say to him with just a tiny response that Newt might as well be in a coma, or worse. Gottlieb would shake his head and sit protectively by Newt, reaching out to take his still hand and replying “You will not touch him. He will wake up.”

That gave way to the physicist starting fights with a few of the doctors (almost hitting one with his cane), and even Tendo and Mako at one point.

“Hermann, calm down!” He remembers Tendo exclaim.

“How the hell do you expect me to be calm!” Gottlieb yelled back. “They obviously don't know anything! Newton isn't dead yet!”

“But I don't think you're gonna get your point across by swinging your cane at people. Put it down.”

Gottlieb tried to move past Tendo, but the J-Tech held him back, moving him back into a chair by Newt's bedside.

“This isn't like you, brother.” He says once Gottlieb's finally- somewhat- calmed.

His gaze shifts to the floor, his shoulders slumping. “I know...” He allowed a pause to glance over at Newt. “It must be Newton. I... apologize for my outburst.”

“It's okay. Bet seriously, at least consider that the doctors may be right-”

Gottlieb scoffed. “What? You too? Are you giving up on him too?”

“No, I'd never-”

“Newton is very weak right now, but the fact that what little response is breathing and a pulse... That tells me he's alive. I can feel him.” He tapped his head to clarify.

“You two drifted with a Kaiju, so I'm not surprised. That's common among pilots, and some say that they can feel things from their partners. I believe you, but all I'm saying is don't go starting fights with the doctors.”

“They don't understand that I know he's in there. I...” His voice fell a little, and he willed himself not to cry. “I can't lose him, Tendo. I can't...”

He hears the other man sigh. “You like him don't you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Aw, come on, you know what I mean. I've seen how you look at each other.” Tendo grinned. “It's about time you two got together, well, under more favorable circumstances. Besides, I wouldn't worry about what Newt might think too much. You never know, maybe he feels the same too.”

“I-I... I don't know what you're talking about.”

“I think you do. So make sure to tell him when he wakes up.”

Gottlieb huffed in denial, but truly, his denial was false from what his true feelings were starting to tell him.

And so he continued to stay by Newt. He'd continue grumble at reason whenever taking the biologist off life support was brought up. Quietly the physicist would tell his friend that he wouldn't let anyone near and that he believed he'd would wake up. He would stop them from making a grave mistake. He wouldn't let Newt go.

 

* * *

 

Gottlieb was there when Newt's heart stopped.

He's brought out of a silent revere of thinking about what Newt would look like in the oversized (Newt called it oversized) parka he's currently wearing when it happens. So suddenly; without warning and he feels like his whole world is crumbling, like his heart's fallen into an abyss, like he's falling- burning up in the atmosphere, crashing into the ocean, and then sinking into the Breach.

Doctors rush in and he's pushed aside like he's not there. He wants to get out of that room and limp back to the lab and convince himself it's a bad dream, but all Gottlieb can do is slowly back up until his back hits the wall- He hardly feels it. He's feeling hollow as he catches glimpses of Newt's too pale face as the doctors work to revive him.

He can't do this.

And suddenly the physicist is crying.

Gottlieb slowly goes down on his knees and just openly cries. This wasn't something he'd do normally because he tended to keep these things to himself, and rarely cried in front of anyone. Only few people had ever seen him cry (one of them possibly lying dead). Now he was sitting in the back of a hospital room with tears falling from his eyes. This wasn't like him.

But Newt's lying too still in a hospital bed- not _breathing_ ; heart not _beating_ \- and all these tears Gottlieb's been holding back for two weeks are just leaking through like something inside him broke and he can't help it. At this point he didn't care anymore if anyone noticed him sobbing so pathetically.

Newt was lying so broken and there was nothing he could do about it. He felt so far away from Newt, as if he were in a place that he couldn't reach that person that was supposed to be so full of life. None of this was supposed to happen. They were supposed to be okay. Newt couldn't be gone; it wasn't like him to give up like that. Gottlieb didn't want to loose Newt, and he couldn't take it.

There was no way he could handle loosing Newt. It would destroy him.

Then the physicist feels a tug on the link in his head, pulling taut and relaxing but still whole, and heard a steady beeping return.

Hesitantly, he looks up, listens to the doctors mutter. Newt's back; not awake, but his heart is beating again.

He takes another look at Newt's still sleeping face, as if nothing had just happened, and leans his head back in relief. More tears come from his eyes at the thought he _almost lost Newt._

The doctors start filtering out after checking over him once, but Gottlieb isn't paying any attention to them. He knows that Newt is alive, but it's sickening to think that for those moments he was gone.

This shouldn't have happened. Gottlieb shared the neural load of the Drift with him so he would live. Gottlieb hadn't cared what happened to himself, he just needed to make sure a second Drift didn't kill him. It was like that didn't even matter. Maybe the Hive was too much for him a second time. It shouldn't have been this way; it wasn't fair. Newt shouldn't be lying in a hospital bed, lying so close to death. Newt should be running around like the hyperactive scientist he was, bugging Gottlieb and cutting up Kaiju remains, and Gottlieb would tell him what he felt in the Drift, reach out for his hand, and-

“Hermann...?”

His eyes snap open and Gottlieb slowly looks in the direction of the voice.

Newt's head is tilted up, looking exhausted and one eye red-rimed. Those green eyes are tiredly gazing right at him (how the hell could that man see him without glasses).

The physicist says nothing, only staring in disbelief. Eventually, he takes his cane and eases himself off the floor, his bad leg straining a bit. He limps over to Newt, who's eyes slowly follow him. Gottlieb gently sits down on the bed, letting his cane drop to the floor again. He wasn't dreaming, right? He hadn't passed out and when he woke up Newt would still be asleep... or dead, right?

“You okay...?” Newt's voice hoarsely whispered, weak from disuse.

Gottlieb struggled to find words, but his face scrunched up into a frown. Instead he leaned forward, cupped Newt's head in his hands, and kissed him.

He was still crying, but they were joyful tears now. He didn't care about that, nor the fact that he was kissing Newt so suddenly like this. The biologist tensed, but instantly relaxed, returning the gesture with lips that felt chapped, but also warm. This was real and Gottlieb made a little sad noise in his throat when he pulled away for air. He felt Newt breathe out against him, slowly moving his gaze up to meet Gottlieb's.

Newt smiled, and it brought much more life to his face.

“I'm fine...” Gottlieb said quietly, resting his forehead against Newt's. “Perfectly fine.”

 

* * *

 

Doctors ran some tests on Newt after he woke up, and he had to stay in the hospital for another day. He was put on medical leave after he was released and naturally he grumbled about it the whole time. It wasn't like they had any work to do (no impending threat from whatever lies at the bottom of the ocean), so Gottlieb urged Newt to get as much rest as he desired.

Obviously Newt wasn't so easy to persuade, considering Gottlieb has now found Newt standing in the lab, dressed in a plain t-shirt and sweatpants (what he liked to call 'pajamas') that showed off more of the tattoos on his arms and bits of color peaking out from the collar of the shirt. He was looking at the chunk of organ that nearly proved do be his demise the first time. On another note, he still looked disoriented, probably from the last of the drugs still in his system.

“Newton, you're on medical leave, remember?”

“Hm? Yeah, I know.” He answered with a yawn. Some color had finally come back into his face. “What about you? Your head's not scrambled up?”

“Nothing much. I was prescribed a few days rest, but I could do so plenty where I could keep an eye on you.” He had eventually agreed to let a few tests be done on him to see if there were anything from the Drift affecting him, but it wasn't anything major in comparison to the other.

“That's great, dude.”

After another moment of contemplation, Newt moved away from the tank and paced around the lab.

“Newton, you really should get back to bed.” Gottlieb insisted.

“Meh, whatever. Can you believe it though? It's really over.”

“The war... Yes. It almost doesn't feel real.” But nether did those agonizing two weeks the other scientist was unconscious.

“I can't believe I missed most of the partying. I must've really hit my head back there to put me out for two weeks.”

“You had no concussion. The doctors told you it was a likely combination of Drift overload and stress.”

Newt hummed, adjusting his glasses. “Hey, Herms?” He asked. “How long have you wanted to do that?”

“Do what?”

“Kiss me.”

Gottlieb blanked. “I, uh...” Right, that'd happened. He'd kissed Newt. “...for a while. Do you... regret it?”

“What? No.” Newt walked over to the physicist, still swaying on his feet. “You just caught me off guard. Didn't think you'd want to. Guess you were really happy to see me.”

'Happy' couldn't begin to describe it properly. Gottlieb only nodded in agreement.

“I could feel it.”

“Elaborate.”

“Dude, it means what it means.” Newt replied with a chuckle. “I felt things in the Drift. I felt it when you locked lips with me. You can too, right?”

He thought back to those minutes where he thought Newt was gone, but then felt a pull in his head as he came back.

“Yes. I believe it's a result of the Drift. Do you wish to talk about it?”

“We have to at some point, I guess.” But Newt seemed to shy away a little.

“Newton, you don't have to-”

“No, uh, we can-” He murmured something and lost his footing, but regained it just as Gottlieb reached out to steady him.

“You idiot! Be careful; you're not supposed to be up.” He scolded.

The biologist rolled his eyes, and opened his mouth for a remark, but he grew silent again.

His eyes turned downcast. “M'sorry. I know it was bad.”

The other scientist's shoulders tensed. “Of course it was that bad! You were unconscious for two weeks and I had to fight off doctors just to keep you on life support!” He doesn't want to start a fight with Newt while he's still recovering, but he can't stop himself from saying things that he's locked up for far too long. “I was so scared; I was scared you'd never wake up. I thought about you every day while you were asleep, praying you'd wake so I could... could apologize for the fight we had- I shouldn't have called you 'obsessed', I know you don't like it, and I know you are much more than that. But more importantly I could tell you what I had realized. The Drift only made it clearer for me to see what I've been denying myself. You may not understand, but what I'm trying to say... what I wanted to tell you, is... that I love you.”

Trembling, he looked down at Newt for a response. The biologist stared at him, looking more awake. He felt a spark of something in his head; a mixture of relief and also disbelief, but also laced heavily with love.

_Love._

Gottleib didn't even realize that he had started crying again until Newt silently reached to brush away a tear. The physicist slowly went down on his knees, Newt flinching and saying his name. With his arms wrapped around his friend, Gottlieb pressed his head against the other scientist's abdomen.

“I thought I lost you...!”

He didn't care if he was getting Newt's t-shirt wet, he just wanted to hold that warmth close and revel in the fact that Newt was alive. He was alive and safe and recovering. At some point, Newt carded a hand through Gottlieb's hair. It was gentle and soothing.

“Apology accepted. It's okay; I'm not going anywhere, Hermann. I scared you and I'm sorry.” The biologist said quietly, his voice scratching a little. “Y'know, I kinda always liked your dumb haircut.”

Gottlieb scoffed through his tears. “You're the most insufferable man on this earth.”

“Yeah. So are you.” Newt eased himself to the floor as well, down to eye level with the other. “But that's why you love me.”

“Hmph.”

“But oh my God, dude- I love you too! You kinda burst into waterworks before I could say it.” Newt sighed happily. “You don't know how long, I think maybe since the letters, but... I just didn't think I had a chance 'cause-” Newt shrugged. “-you're an awesome, irritating, badass who probably thinks I'm the most annoying person on the face of the earth, and I didn't know what to do with all this emotion crap, so I kinda held it back. Also I was hoping that kiss wouldn't be a one time thing.”

“Newton... When will you realize that you're a brilliant man? I've admired that in you. I... don't think I'd like that kiss to be just once ether...”

“Really? Oh dude, if I had known this was how to get your attention-”

“Don't. You never learn, do you?”

“Nope.”

Gottlieb chuckled, smiling and looking into Newt's beautiful eyes. “Come, darling, lets get you to bed. You need your rest.”

“Maybe some kisses and cuddles too?”

“I think that can be arranged.”


End file.
